| Brad's Laws of Happiness: Rule No. 1 |
[May. 24th, 2006|07:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amazed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | CD - The maligning of the Sheep - For Italy | ] |
i want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
And you do to. |
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| Be right here |
[May. 4th, 2006|09:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | life | ] |
Heading out to work this morning and things were normal. Woke early, played around on the internet for an hour with breakfast at hand, made lunch, the like. Then down the stairs from my third floor apartment into my soul. Be Right Here.
BE right here
be RIGHT here
be right HERE
It became a quine in my mind. It started repeating and everywhere i looked: I am right here.
There was a white index card lost in the desert of the morning parking lot. The lot was clear of planes but not birds. The card knew it shouldn't be there and commanded me.
"Harry-
Introduction
What Shortee's is, and its background. 96th + Westfield
Project- Putting indoor simulator so people can golf in winter months
Improving skills"
This puzzle piece, gateway, into the sole's mind is all I have to remember. This glimpse into some unknown thought process we define as human is so rare. We all connect so deeply it hurts to fathom the darkness of implications. I see but never deep enough, do you?
I saw the clouds in their infinite ordered chaos. I felt the crunch of the berries from the tree under my feet like stepping on bubble wrap. The smell of blooming flowers drifting through the air like the Clair De Lune. The sky was a wondrous gradation of blue shades touching the trees with the breath of life, carbon dioxide. Strangely, so few cars on the road but in the distance tires pounded their black rotational momentum into the forgiving highways. Be right here. And she was.
I stopped once again this time overwhelmed. Buckled over and as it all swirled my ringing inner ears made me dizzy. This... all this... It's too much! I can't go on. I was so in the moment... so utterly in the beauty of that moment that i felt too connected if there is such a thing. Imagine the shock of the cave woman discovering how to make fire for the first time in history. Looking to the horizon for a level, the compounded tornado lifted enough for me to go on. But it touched down again not but 30 seconds later. I can't go to work like this. There is just too much not to go home and meditate. Acceptance, again. Be right here. Aware of my awareness of revelation.
I moved to Indy with no real plans, no ideas, no friends, really nothing except a job. I searched and i found. It was there all along and now i see. I moved here to never stop. I moved here to find. I moved here to grow. It is something different to feed my soul. It is something different to take back. Be right here. I came here to find balance.
In the doors, and in my seat, this quine continued all hours circular as any zero. It continues to this day. |
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| Fading memories of 86,400 seconds... |
[May. 3rd, 2006|08:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | passing out | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Frisky Radio | ] |
I had tears in my eyes as is drifted to sleep. There was joy and there was only joy.
Go with it, your heart leading the way.
Do not trust those who say they know themselves for they have stopped searching.
Happiness cannot be found. It just is. There is no soon enough.
My constant vigilance of self must itself be watched. Luckily, it is more or less a subconscious thing now.
Steven Colbert is genius for what he did to/for Bush the other day. I was laughing out loud loudly with amazement in my office at how brilliantly this act was pulled off. Watch It! It will blow you away.
I want to hold you...
My finding and acceptance of the whole makes me want to explore the parts left dormant. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2006|08:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | (July 18, 2003) DJ Remy-John Digweed -Kiss 100 | ] |
Let's not argue with the environmental catastrophy. This is one of the best speeches i've found detailing the unfolding of the other next major world catastrophy:
THE PARADIGM IS THE ENEMY: The State of the Peak Oil Movement at the Cusp of Collapse
I beg all of my few readers to read this speech if you can make the time. It is NOW and it is the most significant event to occur in the last 150 years. At least the most significant of your life. Everything you know will change and it started 3-4 years ago when gas was $1.20 a gallon. Remember that? Damn, man. Damn.
Let me summarize: The way we live life today is unsustainable. We cannot be moving food and other items the distances that they travel. Say goodbye to those MacMansions. The suburbs will be the next ghetto. It is our habits, our thinking, our culture, our democracy, our businesses, our sense of worth, our daily routine, and our entire life that is going to change whether you like it or not. Those gas prices will continue to climb 30-40% per year until we are broken or until we are fixed. Being fixed means that we have to become near complete local economies. Be prepared for the next five years and read the speech, please.
There is a reason why i walk to work, and it's not because I want the exercise. Think of it this way. You spend, what, $130-$170 on gas now? That's my rebate. When you're spending $300-$500 on gas per month i get a good chunk of my rent back in savings! When it costs $1000 a month to fill your gas tank... you're going to start to think that maybe living closer to work wouldn't be such a bad idea? Who works in the suburbs?
Economics:
(I am not a professional! There should be salt right... here =>`. )
I'm going to refrain from commenting on interest rates, housing, and the debt problems because those are whole other beasts. They are related but, oh, so much more complex than what this would do justice. So how should you arrange your portfolio? The dollar will continue to slide due to a declining America. (I say declining for some good reasons that are too in depth for this post). That is, look to foreign mutual funds in the short to mid term for this reason. This will push up the price of commodities too. Gold being my favorite. I prefer a little more risk right now given my age and thus I see gold stocks as being much more profitable, like NEM. Oil will continue it's 30-40% incline. Those oil companies are already making record breaking profits... the largest profits EVER in recorded history. It may sound like they are over-valued but they're not, like VLO. Even when the government dips its hands into that pool of wealth through special taxes on energy company profits will they continue their catastrophic ascent. (There is a special point at which to sell these oil stocks too, btw). Another great investment would be railroads. if my stock allocation portions weren't fully vested I would put another half into rail companies like CSX. Trains get 750 miles to the gallon. Let's see your hybrid/electric car do that.
If our politians weren't so focused on the unknowledgable of the world for re-election then maybe they would be dumping money into upgrading the rail infrastructure. Alas, more highways. I'm willing to bet that within 10 years highways will be for the most part obsolete. Plus, the few travellers that can afford to travel by highway will have a hard time finding gas in both that it will be rare and that those highway gas stations won't see enough traffic to support the business. These people will have to go out of their way to get gas. Eventually we will realize that we need to change and our politicians will see the rails as the only method of distance transferance. This means that railroads are a great long term stock holding in my mind. At that certain point for oil companies, I am going to move from VLO to a rail company.
One last thing. Please read the article and if you want more info, ask me. |
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| Sun dogs |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|01:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the clock of the tick tock | ] |
Driving from Indianapolis to Chicago the sky was a milky precipitate. Many thoughts crossed my mind from a new "rising" trumpet sound preluding a break to the sun. I couldn't help but notice the sun. She beamed at me in glorious nuclear beauty. Aside this inspiration appeared two brilliant sun dogs chasing my car across the flatness that only the Midwest can simulate. (more sun dogs: 1 2). There will always be the sun afire with its enveloping halo to accompany me on even the coldest of arctic days. Throughout time, my halo and I warm the sun too. I follow that ingenious star everywhere it meanders. No matter how far apart we are, the sun will be with me as a proton and an electron are in their eternal dance of forces in search of perfect equilibrium. Hydrogen is elemental.
Those sun dogs haunt my lucid dream making so much seem irrelevant. My quest for happiness never started and shall never end. It just is. Having my faculties fully recovered, yet still muted because, is a wondrous experience over what has been. Ah, the joy of finally fully experiencing life once again, seeing the intricate weave of seemingly random events. My luck. My incredible luck to be. That energy and vitality of the right peoples' halos glowing at the right time makes me wonder how it congealed or why does anything ever happen at all. I've been looking for a very long time for the sun and its dogs.
Yet, it was always there never revealed. I thought impossible. |
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| Deep Space... |
[Apr. 24th, 2006|09:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | (July 18, 2003) DJ Remy-John Digweed -Kiss 100 | ] |
The mind numbed as i rounded the 10th minute of sculling. A bevy of memories grazed consciousness. By the 20th minute i was ready. They exploded into a tornado only to be sucked into the minute by minute. Franticly grasping to hold on to... what? Life does not hold still. The hard part is exemplified by the Tot-tastic (ex-g/f) event of not just us breaking but of her grandmothers death. Other times are easier to be. Event after event, where did it start? and end? It never started and they never end. Follow what is going on right now. Gather your bearings because that awareness is all you have.... The series of events will continue as long as life can be observed from the side of the red carpet you choose. Just follow your heart through the forest and you will be the one to answer that rhetorical question.
30! I hit my mark. Only five minutes of cool down left. I ended with 7060 meters in 30 minutes, with an average of 2:07.5s per 500 m. it was non-stop finally. That's what 4 months of training will attain. Some macho guy sat down next to me and bounced his time between 2:30 and 1:55. The longer being more standard. I hate when people make it into a contest because they are lost. Technically, we are all a lost in that still, still cave in some way.
Being here and not lost, knowing that I am lost, I start in many ways my journey over and over. I seek the challenge of growth. Yet, to my surprise, it may have found me floating in deep space some 9.5344435 trillion miles away from anything. Completely Complex. |
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| Cosmic Wholeness |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|05:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | all of them | ] |
| [ | music |
| | frisky radio | ] |
While on a bike ride at the canal, i started looking around. Dodge a person here, dodge one there. It was like an old Nintendo game. There was nothing better! Inside this game, i had my thoughts about the various interesting people in my life. How the wind whistles through your hair on a beautiful, warm day. Those two look interesting. I quacked in their general direction as they pondered the extent of what wholeness means. Where mist blew across the wet path a small rainbow formed at 42 degree to the sun. Not only that but it moved as i tried to pass it.
There is nothing more pleasant than being near water. It is the infinity that humans can understand. My Affinity. Any infinite is one thing: everything together.
So many little dogs waddling their owners along. The runners, joggers, walkers, and vagabonds not quite comfortable with the status quo. We always look, and we always find. But we question whether now can be a better tomorrow. And we look and we always find. What must be done has already been decided just not revealed. The known becoming infinite, the easier to find. You will know.
A man wanted to join me in his run and with a supernova we were side by side. 1..2..3..4.....42..43. He's done this before. The exhilaration of speeding to get that glimpse of what matters and that is all. The freedom of connecting the lowercase whole experience. There is always more to find and explore just around that corner. The expressed fact that we are even capable of such a thing is utterly astounding. This knowledge of what we do can bring together all things.
The umbra canal path was more in the air. It did not keep its distance. I am one with the wind. Then the water, the sun, and lastly the earth. I have never felt more complete.
As the mutual energy of my last relationship drained to their respective decanters my eyes opened once again. Found in Indianapolis, on a canal, dodging the fledgelings, a man found happiness in wholeness. You will understand when you know nothing to π.
Basking on the grass next to the sculpture, a couple rubbed each others arms. They lazily watched the acrobat in the sky. The man pulled right and it twirled counter clockwise four times. The man pulled left to narrowly avoid a death as the Red Baron had had.
They sat, pondered, walked, watched, jogged, focused, biked, felt, roller bladed, read, flew kites, relaxed, and threw the baseball... into the canal. All on the edge of danger. The ball, a super hero, was impervious to wind. It received the sun and we shall go to the moon. Post eclipse a reality is revealed and it is to grow, seek, and find the wisdom. The process may come to you but when you come to it then does it click.
I have found the me that I am now. |
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| my new poem and Bush |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|10:35 pm] |
indeed
with no past, nor future.
a trip in the head,
now all there is.
tears with the past.
weaving what's next.
bifurcated with inspiration.
in tritones buddha dies.
by counting not two.
another found world.
with no stretch of imagination.
being is a state of mind.
On another note, Bush said yesterday: “I'm The Decider And I Decide What's Best”
I think the rest of us say: "Mr. President, you're not qualified to decide what's best."
Yeah, and he is hearing voices again.
If i was on the board of directors of a major corporation and my company had an opening for the CEO/President I'd look at Mr. Bush's resume and discard it immediately. Even for a small company I wouldn't have him to run it. He would run the company into the twin towers. He's done it with an oil company and is doing it with the American economy. I wouldn't even give the guy a lower position in the company. It's is wholly unqualified for anything important. |
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| Documentation... |
[Apr. 15th, 2006|01:04 pm] |
Here is the documentary of America the fascist state:
Ameria: From Freedom to Fascism
The latest in insanity in our government should be called Bushism. This term should be to America what Fascism is to Italy. Can we co-opt the word from meaning stupid things he has said to this new definition? |
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| Environmental Conditioning |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|11:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Art of Noise - Le Pan de Flute | ] |
Is the world past the point of no return? It's where humans have ceased being able to control the environment. Some very bright people think so. Some not very bright won't accept yes as being in the ball park... not even ever a possibility. AHEM!! Bush! - his record.
Let me argue that it is. Us humans are incapable of making significant changes to our habits until it's too late. There are many examples of this from all walks of life. In this instance there are two concepts in a negative feedback. Businesses and people in their day to day lives are in control but on a macro level there are no controls... only habit. We will continue to kill Gaia until it is directly seen by the masses. Aka, Katrina, extreme weather, another dust bowl, water shortages, sea level rises (Boston, Miami and New York City, etc under water). Interesting fact: around 75% of the world population lives within 100 miles of the ocean.
The second part of this insane mix are the governments of the world. They don't want to do anything because it would hurt industry. What is industry but a set of habits? What are these habits but killing the spaces where we live? There is a reason why dogs try not to crap in the house. We haven't learned that lesson yet. Of course people don't want to change their habits and thus they don't want the government to impose a change of habits.
This means that the one institution that is capable of stopping us from going past the point of no return is out to lunch... indefinitely. So technically the earth may not be past the point of no return but the human species is. There is going to be some HARD HARD love in the near future. It will come in both the form of Gaia hating us AND us having to change our habits. We COULD do without the former but... well, you get the point.
I am all for imposing the harshest of environmental laws and then threatening the world until they to follow suit. Well, while unreasonable it makes long term sense. Anyway, allow me to explain why strict environmental laws wouldn't hurt the economy as the idiots in power claim...
They say environmental laws hurts business. This is simply untrue. These laws would force businesses to invest in clean technologies. This money would otherwise be spent on other investment opportunities so that is a loss but the gains for business in environmentally friendly technology would make up for that loss. It is a zero sum money game in the short term. In the long term we save the environment, increase national security, keep our cities from drowning, among a few other simple healthy things like less mercury in our fish, save more species, etc.
The last piece I'd like to expound upon is that clean technology is experimental until it's used. Business won't get into creating clean technology until it's used. There are many business exploring this trend, but the market needs to be greatly expanded. Thus the chicken and egg problem. So as these laws are loosened by the idiots in the Whitehouse, it means that it is our government that is funding the development of green technology. This means higher taxes AND less efficient development. Business can develop green technology MUCH more efficiently. Thus it make a LOT of sense to have businesses instead of the government do this work. This new technology would also be more sustainable and thus cheaper. Isn't that a good mix of Republican ideology and clean environment?
All I'm saying is that the current Republicans (the party of economic principles) are spouting BUNK. They are, yet again, proven to be in the pockets of big businesses that don't want to change their polluting habits.
Lastly, there is a race between the environmental destruction and peak oil, I'll get in to that some other time. |
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| Stats and software |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|09:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Art of Noise - Le Pan de Flute | ] |
The new DVD widget for google is going well. Each day it breaks or nearly breaks the record number of users. Good trend! It's boosting the associate sales in Amazon, woot.
A new release of the sky program is SOOO close to being ready. One screen saver is converted to a Universal Binary capable of now running on the Intel Macs. The other one need conversion. :(
Lastly, my dope wars game is Really coming along. It is looking very very slick! Another few weeks maybe before it's done. |
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| Another night of Tornados |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Art of Noise - Le Pan de Flute | ] |
Last night there was some wicked thunderheads rolling through. There were some 60+ tornados stretching from Memphis to Chicago. Nearly 30 died. It is very odd having to consider the weather when it gets bad. The NE and West coast don't have to worry about these things. The wind blowing 50 mph outside kinda freaked me out.
This of course produced another night of tornado dreams. There were 7 or 8. Each time they passed the house on either side by 50-100 feet. It was very nebulous.
Two nights ago i had a full lucid dream. I was in my old house by the fridge. i took a jar out of the fridge with a little bit of silver liquid in it. Here i realized what was going on. I formed the liquid into two balls that rotated along the inside of the jar. (I watched X2 with Magneto the day before, lol) Then I levitated stuff around the room. The end.
I need to listen to the one opera that Debussy wrote. I hope it's like the song I'm listening to now. |
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| Facing Death |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|12:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | objective | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Art of Noise - In the Evening Air | ] |
Only once you face death and consider the implications do you know what living really is.
I have faced death a number of times. Each time in the mirror i saw a confluence of arbitrary misconceptions. The only precipitate was the choice to continue for one thing... to give my love to those around me. I did not want to take that away. This love comes in two forms: interpersonal and liberty. Holding these true is a shedding of so many things this culture strains for. Materialism, hate, violence, discrimination, subjectivity (op-ed) in considering others... This last is a most difficult task. The idea of good and bad become irrelevant; which is very hard to do.
Family, friends, and strangers can make the brain feel fuzzy and warm. There are quirks but it is comforting. Between two people there is no difference so great that can not be overcome with understanding. For some, their memes can be the only memes. It is sad to see people use their liberties to inhibit their growth as human beings, but that is their choice and it is not your place change them. Explaining your own perspective, yes, don't expect them to understand. If you aren't willing to consider their perspective then you are no better than a rigid person. A persons rigidness can be understood when looking deep enough. Religion is used by some as a method of being rigid, the subject of a post by itself.
Needless to say, the mind is a bountiful, endless place. The spot where the horn of plenty meets a black hole can be fruitful.
This post by itself has generated some good ideas! exciting! |
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| Salute... |
[Mar. 24th, 2006|10:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Miro - Paradise (Farmatronic Creeping Mix) [this is a brilliant song!] | ] |
Can you hear me,
Talking in my mind.
I can feel you,
You're with me all the time.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face
There's a warm sky,
covering the night.
In the darkness,
I only feel the light.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
When I'm lonely,
your voice is in my head.
And my memory feeds my soul,
with all the things you've said.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
Everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face.
----- Lustal - Everytime |
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| Current Conditions... |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|10:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Miro - Paradise (Farmatronic Creeping Mix) [this is a brilliant song!] | ] |
I realized the needed to get my ass in gear with finding and managing friends a few days after Tot left. A conscious effort was then endowed to make more, much more time for friends. All that Tot time became free time for this new pursuit.
Cow-erkers are people as much as they are chickens. Each has their own little world. But in some mysterious way our society has shaped them from the same mold. Their worlds have lots of higher function things in common... like watching TV and transiently connecting with others in some kind of unbeknownst shared illusion. What happens when you un-unbeknownst that illusion? ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷===? I feel un-unbeknownst. This is probably a good point to say that I wear a mask to appear to be speaking the same language, be on equal footing, and playing the same game. i am absolutely not saying that I am better. I am very self-conscious in my work interactions. I do let my guard down, or at least I try. In another post I'll detail some interactions. It nearly always feel awkward. My point here is that I may not connect with the institution because I don't feel connected with the people.
But how do they relate to the institution they serve? I really need to ask them this question. Most of them went through the school, and got their first (or second) job with the school. I've seen it in their eyes in that they revere IT for making them. It's almost as if they owe their entirety to the school. I must admit that they are much less afraid of loosing their jobs than in the private sector. At all my prior jobs, there was fear behind their eyes: "OMG, What will i do if I lose my JOB!" It's as if losing their jobs made them lesser people. Americans define themselves through their jobs and thus their institutions. When you first meet someone you ask "So, what do you do?" and the reply always include who they work for. In Europe, i don't know for sure, but i think it's something like "So, what do you like to do?" The latter seems much more sane to me. I don't think of my job as defining me.
Making the effort to be a part of the team, working hard to do my best, trying to brush up against others for humanity sake, showing them how to do things more efficiently/better is what I do strive for at work. BUT, it's exceptionally difficult to appreciate other peoples' efforts when you don't appreciate your own. What is the difference between respecting other peoples' work and appreciating it? I know i respect their work. From my dictionary:
Respect: Holding in high esteem
Appreciate: recognize the full worth of, be grateful for, recognize the full implications of
Of this, i would say I do appreciate in two of the three ways. This root concern is "am i grateful"? My inside voice says no. But this then takes me back to my connection with those surrounding.
Another part of the problem is the question "What do i find valuable?" That is a question for you as well as me. My happiness and friends; and these are correlated. As long as I can work with something intellectually stimulating enough and in a relaxed environment (for now) then the relationship between happiness and my job is satisfied. The relaxed environment is more a need driven by my mental break down last year. I do think there is a difference between general problem solving and thinking like a coder. I'm more in the former camp which (i think) would be the super set of the latter.
Intellectual stimulation is not just code or problem solving. Stimulation comes from the people as well. There aren't many people around me that I find intellectually stimulating. I'm quite lucky to have all of you. Hmm. it feels like this is getting close. |
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